You are ugly. You are fat. You’re so dumb. Why can’t you do that right? Why can’t you get your act together? What is wrong with you? It’s not that hard. Everyone else can lose the weight, why can’t you? Stop being so lazy.
If I ever heard my children saying these things to each other, or to themselves, I would come unglued. How dare they talk about someone else or themselves that way? That is absolutely inappropriate – we love and build and nurture each other, not tear each other down.
But, in one form or another, this has been the running dialogue in my head for the last 30 years. I have believed these things so deeply I never thought I could change. I never thought I could look past the negativity that clouds my vision, to see the positive and beauty all around.
This week I made a conscious decision to take off the “terrorist glasses” as Body Restoration calls them, and see what is all around me. I decided to stop focusing on the negative and see myself for what I am.
I am a woman, a Mother, a wife, a lover, a friend, I can do hard things, I have done hard things, I encourage, I create, I lift up, I can sew, I can sing, I can write, I try, I can run, I can walk, my body is amazing even if it is not what I want it to be yet. I am amazing. I am a child of God.
I have noticed a shift in my thinking in the last 2 weeks. Writing everyday what my body has done is an amazing practice. To see all the things I have done and was only able to do because I have this amazing body.
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On Saturday morning I was up at 6 am. Jeremy and I got on our running duds, woke the children, got them dressed, and loaded up in the car. We were ready. I had been training, he had not, but we were both going to run a 5K.
It was cold on Saturday morning. My children have gotten very accustomed to these Texas “Winters” where it rarely dips below 60, but we bundled them up and they were ok…kind of. Thankfully a good friend met us there, took our kids to her car to stay warm, and brought them out to cheer us on as we left and came back.
We lined up and I found my girl, Lisa. Lisa is the one who has really encouraged me to start running. She does it and loves it. I have told her that I would never be a runner, but here I am. She encouraged me to apply for the HEB Zooma Texas Girlfriend’s Program, which is how I am training for my half marathon. She is an amazing friend to have and such an inspiration.
We lined up for the race to begin and I told Jeremy he didn’t have to stay with me. I wanted him to see what he could do, and so did he. So, we started out together, but shortly he took off and I was left with Lisa and the 10,000 Maniacs crooning in my ear that These Are The Days. And they are.
Lisa and I pushed each other the first half. Then she did her thang and took off and made herself a Personal Record (YAY LISA!!!). I kept pushing myself, as long as I could see her I kept going, and also made a personal record for myself (YAY ME!).
I finished. My kids were there cheering me on as I came in. I heard my friend Candida’s voice in my head at the very end saying, “Run girl! RUN RUN RUN! Pick up those knees and kick up those heels!” When we run together she pushes me at the end to sprint it in. She was standing there with my kids and I heard her over Maroon 5 telling me to push it, and I did.
I can do hard things. I have an amazing body that lets me run.
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The shift in my thinking is a slow process. But, I noticed something as I was running. I wasn’t comparing myself to the other runners. I was doing my best and took pride in knowing I was doing it. I saw other runners and walkers and felt so much pride for each of them. I wanted to shout, “YAY!!! We are DOING THIS!”
There was a guy near the end who was walking it. He was very overweight, but he was doing it. I wanted to tell him how proud of him I was. He was making a choice, making a change and is amazing.
I think of my attitude about running a month ago. I didn’t want to run during the day because I didn’t want anyone to see me. I didn’t want anyone to see my fat rolls, my jiggly body as I ran. Now, I want everyone to see me. I want to show the world that I am breaking free from this negativity that has held me hostage for so many years.
I want to shout it from the rooftops that I am free.
*Brave Girls Club has given me tuition to the Body Restoration class. All words and opinions are mine.
WOW!! I am so proud of you!! That last picture is the best – your smile lights up your eyes. I have always been tempted to try running but it seems like such a huge mountain to climb. But you are inspiring me to give it a try. What a wonderful story of victory!
LOVE this! So proud of you.
I. am. so. PROUD. of. you.
You are indeed amazing, shining and spectacular.
You inspire.
<3
in tears. this is so much of how I feel, and what I want to become. thank you for being brave and leading the pack for so many of us.
I love so much about this. What a miraculous, beautiful change you’re undergoing.
AWESOME!! Way to go, Brave Girl!! I am taking that class, too and slowly my mind is shifting!!! it is a miracle:)
GOOD FOR YOU! I’m so impressed. I hope you are as proud of yourself as myself and your family are.
Hooray you! So proud of you!
I am inspired by every person I see exercising. They are choosing to take time out of their lives to do something. For some it is hard, for others maybe easier. But they are doing it.
You inspire me. Wish I could have been there to cheer you in. Way to go!
Look at you. Oh man so inspired.
Steph
Oh Kim. I love you so much. You ARE free, and beautiful and wonderful and hey- guess what? You are a runner, too. Congrats on your first 5k. I am so so so proud.
YOU ARE AWESOME! Your body is awesome! And I love reading your about your awesome journey. I’m going running, thanks for the reminder.
So proud of you!
YOU ARE AMAZING!! I am SO proud of you. Congrats as you break out of your shell..you are definitely a marvelously talented and beautiful woman..loveyou
I am so proud of you! You are and always have been amazing to me. My heart swells to know that you are coming to realize that too. Keep it up daughter. I love you. DAD
Phenomenal!!! One foot in front of the other, one step at a time! So proud of you!
I’m sitting here with tears rolling down my face…tears of happiness for you and your amazing accomplishments and tears of release as I make a conscious decision to kick my own terrorist gremlins out of my head. Those suckers have been living rent free in my “loft” for the better part of nearly 45 years, and they gotta get to steppin! Like you, I fully realize that the process will be slow…often arduous. I’m cool with that. I’ve done some REALLY hard stuff before. I’m an Army Veteran, a Mom, a sister, an auntie, a Step-Mom, a friend, a wife, a lover, a sassy mouthed Southern gal, a fighter, a survivor, a rescuer, a maker girl, a child of God, and so very much more. I try, I fail, I pick myself up and try again, I succeed, I learn, I grow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your journey with us! You, m’dear, MAJORLY RAWK!!!
xo
Such inspiration!! Thank you for posting this! I haven’t joined the Body Restoration class, but that doesn’t mean I can’t follow along, be inspired, and start doing something on my own!!
Way to go!! I must say you have some pretty awesome friends!
You are SO on your way, my friend, at the beginning of this wonderful transformation of both mind and body and it’s amazing. I love you and I’m so happy and proud of you. See you in March!! xoxoxo