I am not a writer.
I don’t weave my words with eloquence, I don’t use 10 dollar words.
I can’t say something without really saying it.
I am just not a writer.
I have wanted to be one. I have pretended it was my passion. I have come to this space over and over and over again trying to find my voice…through writing.
I have forgotten that I have a voice that I used to use all the time.
When I was in college I spent hours upon hours playing my guitar. I would sing the words others put to music, entertain my friends and even write my own songs.
It was my outlet. It was my passion.
Fast forward many years, a marriage and 5 children later and I barely remember who that girl was.
Who was that girl that could pick up her guitar at any moment and crank out a song? Where did that girl go who would write her feelings into beautiful poetry set to the music in her head? Who was that girl with such dreams that she thought she could go to Nashville and be the next Faith Hill?
She is still here – buried deep inside this woman who has responsibilities, children that need and love her, and a home to keep.
The songs she sings are no longer about unrequited love, the desire for freedom, or wondering where her life is going to take her.
Now she sings silly songs to get her children to clean, lullabyes to soothe them to sleep and loving ballads to ease their tears.
She is here – itching to get out.
And I think it’s time I let her.
Because maybe I am not a writer like so many of my friends. Maybe I can’t make you laugh or cry or think deep thoughts about your life through my writing.
But I guess I am a writer in my own way and it is time I honored that part of myself.
i so love this and look forward to hearing more. you are so beautiful!
I think we have too narrow a definition of writer. Because you are. And I hope you share your song writing with us too. Perhaps it is time to vlog?
Vlog! Vlog! Vlog!
You and Sherry need to “simmer down now!”. Maybe I will vlog sometime, but I have to get a decent guitar first. Mine is craptastic and it doesn’t hold a tune for more than 1/2 a song
That’s true. I write my own way, the way I speak (sometimes). I might vlog sometime…but not for a while
My words aren’t nearly as beautiful and wonderful and inspirational as those lovely ladies you mentioned either. But they are my words and when I go back and read them, I’m so glad I wrote them down. Even if they aren’t as great as I wish they were or as fabulous as what someone else could have written, it’s nice to have words to trigger my memory about stories and feelings that I would have otherwise forgotten about.
So true Bridget.
I loved those times. You singing John Denver in our forever messy room
I sang Jet Plane the other day for the kids and Seth said, ‘Mom? Are you making up that song as you go along? Cause it isn’t very good”. HAHAHAHA!
Great post! I’ve been having similar thoughts lately about painting… something I’ve always loved, but never do now that I’m a busy mom.
You sure sound like a writer to me! And singing songs to our kidssri soothe& comfort& help them grow is equal parts magical&self preservation. It’s a great mix. Can’t wait to see what you write next.
I need to hear and see you, and you also have to keep writing anyway.
Steph
You bring smiles to my heart and tears to my eyes and righteous pride to my soul when you write the way you write. I love your writing. I love you and your little ones and that loving and supporting husband of yours. As soon as I see that you have posted, I just have to go and read. Thank you. I love being part of your life by reading about you, your thoughts, hopes, dreams, frustrations, anquish and joy.
Thank you Daddy. I love you too.
Oh my goodness your Dad’s comment.
!!!!
Steph
I know, my Dad is a writer himself. I love his comments
Your dad! What a treasure!
I’m so excited for you! My husband is a musician too. He struggles with writing words but he writes music a lot. I know when he is getting time to play and write that it feeds his soul. I’m sure the same will be true for you.
I always say if I could have just one talent I would want to be able to sing well. Sharing music is such a gift.
I look forward to reading or hearing
what you have to say. I enjoy reading your posts because you are YOU and not trying to be like anyone else.
You have great words and people need to hear them!
Also, I’m super jealous of anyone who is even remotely musical. And that picture of you with the guitar? Gorgeous!
I, for one, love your writing! I am thankful you blog and give me little glimpses into your life. I miss you, friend!
Ahem, lady. WHO says you’re not a writer?
And I can see where you get your writing ability from. *points to your Dad*
Oh, sweet mama. First of all, you are a good writer, but more importantly, you are an ARTIST. Art is a gift in whatever form it manifests in, and you create such beauty in so many ways. That itch that you just can’t scratch may well be the Spirit moving within to remind you that you have been trusted with something beautiful and important – not for yourself, but for the glory of God and for the enjoyment of those around you.
I hope you pick up that guitar again soon. I think you are knowing it is time.
I disagree with you Kim. I think you ARE a writer. I’m excited for you to “write” however you are passionate. And just a little jealous that you can carry a tune! <3
I think the fact that you write this blog alone, makes you a writer. Actually, I know it.
And I want to hear your songs and sing with you. You know I do that right, sing? Yeah, that would be SO awesome.