We’ve been butting heads lately, my boy and I. It seems I can’t say anything right and he feels like he can’t do anything okay. It is hard. It is SO hard. I didn’t think I would have to deal with this feeling of slamming my head on a brick wall (over and over and over until it bleeds) until they were teenagers. It seems I was wrong.
He has always had a strong personality. He feels so much. If he is happy, he is HAPPY! If he is mad, well everyone knows it. He has such negative self talk and it scares me. Is it for attention? Is it for real? Does he really think he is so awful? Do I make him feel that way? Have I always made him feel that way? When did this sweet boy who has always made my heart smile, start thinking he wasn’t enough? When did he stop thinking he was the best at everything and could do anything? When did he stop knowing he was special? How did this happen?
I struggle every day. I plead with Heavenly Father in my prayers that I can be the Mother he needs. I pray that I can help him to love himself and see himself the way I do.
Now I know a bit of how God must feel to see His children here on Earth struggling. To see us loathing ourselves, comparing ourselves, destroying our bodies and souls with the things of the world. All He wants to do is help us, if we will only let him and listen.
I need to open my heart and my mind and listen. Maybe when I do, he will too.