I kneel in prayer and spill my soul to the Lord. I cry, I beg, I plead. I pray for a change of heart, for forgiveness to come into my heart and soul. I pray that He will carry me through. There are no secrets here, this is safe, this is my place. I talk to Him like I would my Dad. I tell Him my fears, my hurt…I lay it all at His feet.
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
When I stand up, spent from crying, head pounding, heart broken, I am reminded of this song. My favorite hymn, Be Still My Soul. I have a glimmer of peace and a glimpse of the future. I am reminded that God knows the future as well as the past. He knows we will come through this. He knows I will be stronger. He knows I can do this, we can do this.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
I am tired, so tired of fighting and it has only just begun. I know life isn’t meant to be easy. I will cry myself to sleep, I will wake from a dreamless sleep just to realize my nightmare is only beginning, I will cry a thousand tears. But I have done this before. I have cried, pleaded, begged and come through on the other side. I will do it again. With the Lord on my side, I know I am strong enough.
Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
The storms will pass, the rain will end, the sun will shine on my face once again.