My fingers and toes are painted. I have been putting on makeup and fixing my hair everyday. My clothing choices are just those, choices. I am taking time to pick out something with thought rather than the first thing that will hide my
I am trying to make myself feel better by looking better. I am making more of an effort hoping that my feelings will match what I am showing the world.
It is no secret around here that I have been quietly struggling lately. My posting frequency has decreased as my personal journal writing has increased. There is much I do not share in this public place. There is much I keep in my heart and soul.
Jeremy and I are starting counseling tomorrow. Neither of us know what to expect, I have only ever done counseling on my own. I know into every life a little rain (or a huge storm) must fall. It is falling here and we need some help building a boat to help us float.
Too often I have been the scaffolding for everyone in my life. I build them up, hold them up, encourage, love and support. I love that I can do that, but what happens when I need that support? What happens when I am feeling so depleted that I just can not give one more ounce? That is where I am now.
I am headed to Utah for a mental health break this weekend. I plan on doing nothing more than sitting on couches of my siblings, eating good food, laughing, talking and just relaxing. I will have Elliott with me, but it will be so very nice to have some time to focus on me, what I need and what I want.
I am going to be okay, we are going to be okay. I know this is just part of marriage…life. Just like a race there are the hills and valleys. It is so very hard getting up those hills and sometimes you are panting and thinking you will never reach the top. When you finally do you feel so great and get to cruise down the hill. Right now I am facing a steep uphill climb, but I know once I reach the top it will be so very worth it.