Oh y’all, I am tired. And when I say tired, I mean beyond tired – exhausted, worn out, on the verge of LOSING my ever loving mind.
My sweet Elliott hasn’t slept well since before Christmas when he had an ear infection. He is in my bed before midnight every night. Jeremy used to try to take him back to bed, but he would end up with a screaming Elliott for HOURS – seriously, 12:30-2:30 at which point he would give up, bring Elliott to me and he would snuggle up and fall asleep. So, now he just brings him straight to me. No sense in him not sleeping too. Elliott will snuggle up to me and sleep until about 4:45 when he wakes up (like clock work) and wants to nurse. Have you ever nursed while pregnant? If not, let me just tell you – it HURTS. So, I put it off as long as I possibly can.
So for the next two hours he is screaming at me while I lay in bed trying to sleep through it. He sits up, he kicks me, he throws his little body onto mine (often giving head butting me in the process). He will sleep for maybe 10-15 minutes and then start up again, the whole time screaming at me, begging me “milt peese”. It breaks my heart, but I just.can’t.do.it.
I am not one for cry it out – that has never been an option. But I have never had a child this headstrong when it comes to refusing sleep.
Last night I complete lost it on my children. I snapped. I was exhausted. I had spent the day working around the house, then when the big kids got home Seth and I worked on his science fair project. I then made dinner, ate, got kids ready for bed and sat down for family prayer. It was after that when I lost it. The kids were messing around (just being kids) and I completely went ballistic on them. I felt awful. I retreated to the computer and “disappeared” for a while. Jeremy put the big kids to bed and then I took Elliott.
I nursed and rocked him for a bit but he didn’t want to sleep for me. So, Jeremy came and rescued me, took him and got him to sleep. I took a hot bath then climbed in bed and was out by 9:30.
It was a rough day, but an even rougher night – because Mr. Stubborn repeated his old pattern.
I can not do this anymore. I can’t do cry it out, but I know there has to be another option. Friends, have you ever been in this situation? How do you get your babies to sleep without you without doing cry it out? HELP me please, I am so tired I can barely function. I am not good to anyone right now and am desperately seeking some answers.
Good questions! I want to subscribe to the comments so I can get some ideas too. Cora Jane DOES not sleep and I end up nursing her all. night. long. I am so tired.
O, girl. First – a hug and a diet coke for you: here.
Isaac wasn’t a great sleeper, but nothing quite like this. I think there’s a huge difference between cry it out and cry it out alone. If it gets to the point where he needs to be in his own bed come hell, high water, or tears, could you lay with him in his bed and then sneak out when he’s asleep? If he needs to not nurse at night, could Jeremy hold him instead? Basically, he will likely have discomfort and be frustrated when things change (such as not being in your bed all night or not nursing/whatever) but if you can be there WITH him in that, I think that is worlds away from traditional “cry it out” and the suffering that comes with it for both parties.
Love and extra energizing sleep vibes from Minnesota.
Thank you love. We have been doing some of that. Jeremy goes in with him in the middle of the night and is, no joking, in there for 2 hours with him screaming. I am about ready to buy him a twin mattress and sleep on it while he wanders through his room screaming and crying. None of my kids have been this bad, it is crazy
why is letting a child cry for 5-10 minutes, then comforting and reassuring them, then letting them cry for 5-10 minutes then reassuring them until they sleep so much worse than being sleep deprived? (both parent and child). I used the cry it out method (I actually hate that it is referred to that, because I didn’t just sit back and let my child cry for hours on end!) with all four of my children with varying results, but the biggest result being that each one was able to sleep all night by 6 months at the oldest. I get a little defensive about it, i guess, because so many people will say, “I could never do THAT! to my child”. Most people who are so against it have never read Dr. Ferber’s book, which I would recommend even if you have no intention of using his methods, at least for the background on how/why babies wake in the night.
Anyway, I didn’t post this to criticize, it is 100% your choice, I just don’t understand why you would completely rule it out when he obviously cries during the night anyway (the scenes you describe in your bed in the morning). My experience was that for the window of crying we did endure, our nights and mornings were so much happier when eveyone was getting good sleep!
Whatever you end up doing, I hope you are able to get some decent sleep soon! My youngest is 3 now and I can’t imagine the exhaustion you must be feeling with four kiddos, being pregnant, and sleeping so poorly.
Best of luck to you!
Thank you Andrea,
I don’t take your comment as criticism at all – just asking me questions. If he would cry for just 5-10 minutes that would be one thing. He is doing it for HOURS on end in the middle of the night. I don’t know what to do at this point. I have never had a child who has such a hard time with sleep before. So I really don’t know what to do! I don’t want to let him cry alone in a room, and I see that is not what you do – love to hear that
:) My sister did cio and left her children to cry in their room alone all night long – that is partially my reason for having such a negative view of it.
Anyway, he won’t let me reassure him without holding him and I just can’t do it. I want him to sleep in his bed, without needing me all night long – you know? I dont’ think there is a magical answer though
Thanks for your thoughts and comment, I really appreciate it.
I think most people think that the cry it out method is what you describe as your sister’s method. It is actually more like a schedule for letting them cry, then going in and comforting them until they become used to self-soothing and sleeping in their own space. I’m glad my comment didn’t come off as critical. I know we moms are all just trying to do the best we can for our babies! Good luck! I HATE being sleep-deprived!!!!
Also, I meant to add that my kids, ages 11, 9, 6, and 3 are all emotionally well adjusted.
He is waking up and crying for hours at night because he has no idea how to soothe himself back to sleep without nursing or having you beside him. My boys are 11, 8 & 5. I could NOT let the oldest cry himself to sleep when he was a baby. It broke my heart and I would not do it. To this day he is still a lousy sleeper. My second one I did somewhat of a cry it out method. I would go back in throughout the night and reassure him. It took until he was almost 2, but he finally started sleeping through the night and has been good ever since. With the 3rd one? I wised up. I let him cry himself to sleep at night (I would go in every so often and reassure him), but under NO circumstances would I get him out of that crib and bring him into my bed. He knew I was there, he knew I would come in, and we had a miserable few nights, but he caught on quick that I was not going to get him out. Now granted, I did all of this at 7 months. You’ll have a harder time doing it at an older age, but it can be done. I think that a few nights of crying and it being hard on you will be worth it when you can finally get some rest and have more patience and energy to give to your other children.
Equally as challenging!
Hang in there. It does get better. They will sleep eventually (I know – that seems so far away when you are in the trenches!) – and now I get the joy of trying to drag a pre-teen out of bed in the mornings!
Have you ever read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child? Seriously a life saver for us. My friend just gave me back my copy and I was about to to it in the donate pile. Email me your address and I’ll mail it out tomorrow.
(And well, yeah. We are big CIO fans, ourselves…we don’t have a closed off bed at ALL – even now, so I know where you’re coming from!)
UGH. That should have said NOT big CIO fans. UGH!
Hi Kim,
We are in a similar spot with our 27 month old, although I am not pregnant. He goes to bed nursing in his room, laying on his twin mattress. Then when he wakes between 9-11pm I can usually get him back to sleep in his bed without nursing. But the next time he wakes, I bring him to our bed where he wants to nurse ALL night long. Its a habit, I do not think he’s hungry and there are times I can comfort him without nursing. But I am losing sleep and patience. I have tried to night wean him myself but I always give in around 3 or 4am because I’m so tired. Our latest plan is for my husband to take over night duty, starting on a Friday night and through the weekend. The plan was to start this Friday but now both kids are sick so we’ll probably wait. But when we start, we plan to have my husband put our son to bed, either by rocking, reading stories, whatever it takes, and then he will be the one responding to all night wakings. Yes my son is going to be pissed and scream for hours I imagine but my husband can’t give in and nurse him! So we hope that our son will adjust in a few days, a week at most. We did this before with our daughter when she was 2, and it really helped them to bond and bedtime is now a special time for them. So I think your husband is going to have to take the brunt of this, whenever he can be off and recharge the next day with naps. I hope you get some rest, you need it! You are growing another baby and that takes a lot of rest!
I was pregnant Sept-Nov. And agree nursing is horrible! Caleb somehow seemed to know his time was coming to an end on nursing and just started to want to nurse more and more! I lost that little one but got pregnant again in Dec. And yet again sore boobs and a toddler who just wanted to nurse nonstop! Lost that one but I swear my body still thinks I am preggo so my boobs are so all the time and Caleb is insatiable. The thing that I have found that works best is when he wants to nurse and I just can’t take it anymore I will get him a sippy cup of milk, put him in his bed, and he usually dozes right off. I know Elliot is younger than my 22 month old but that is what I have been doing. It didn’t help that e switched to a toddler bed Christmas Eve. Now he wakes up at 2 am but I just let him go back to sleep on his own. If I go in to comfort him it is hours before he is asleep. I do always allow him a good hour marathon of nursing in the morning. I figure he deserves it for dealing with all the changes we have had lately.
Oh Kim, I don’t have the answers. I’ve never nursed through a pregnancy, but know it’s tough. You are in an exhausting place in life. I ask of you that you take care of yourself. I know you don’t want to do the cry it out game, and I get it, totally! But you’re pregnant, and that’s all-consuming in itself. Be kind to yourself, you you and the baby deserve (and need) all the rest you can muster. xoxox
He is crying for HOURS as he has never been taught how to self soothe and he knows the crying bring you in to pick him up and feed him or he ends up in your bed. I’D weaning. the CIO method is GREAT if done correctly. You ccan have him trianed within a week I kid you not
here is an exmple of how to do it, for some reson people assume CIO means allow them to wail for hours on end, not so.
http://findmynewnormal.blogspot.com/?m=1
I hope you have not waited too long. Kids can manipulate for sure. Your only other option is to continue what you are doing which is not working and neither of you are getting decent sleep.
Also your older child acting out…..I fully believe feels he is not getting enought attention….I am sure that is NOT TRUE but how he feels so bad behavior to him is a sure way to receive attention even if negative. You need to get to the bottom of that as a new baby will make his feelings worse
Good Luck. some hard work for a week or two and all will be well. The worst thing to do is pander to a screaming chid that is not in pain/sick. You need to take control and not allow him to control you or the cycle will go on.
sorry for all the typo’s sheesh!
Oh boy. Been there with our son M. He is the first and I was clueless to sleep training. We tried CIO for one night and it almost broke me entirely. I found that this ultimately worked:
- change the bed time routine on its head. Then M knew that this was not standard operating procedure. This meant a different bed in a different room.
- we’d START bedtime with nursing sitting in the chair, then change to snuggles on the bed reading stories.
- he’d ask to nurse agin, but I told him “nursies go night-night.”
- if that didn’t work and he was fussing anyway, I’d put him down in his crib. For a few weeks he’d cry. We gave him gradually increasing times to fuss each night before my husband came to rescue him. The time were really gradual…1 min, then 2 minutes, then 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes.
- most importantly, I never reappeared.
It took a few weeks, but he got the message.
My best wishes for a full nights sleep for all!