I have eluded to the fact that I was done having children. After Elliott was born, I wanted another, but Jeremy was done, done, DONE. So, I accepted that and eventually was done myself.
I was enjoying the thought of sleep, getting my body back, seeing what my body does when I am not nursing or pregnant and having the opportunities to explore things I wanted. I was looking forward to the freedom that comes when you no longer have a small person relying on you for everything.
But, I knew. I knew we weren’t done. I tried so hard to shut up that voice in my heart. I rationalized, I ignored, I even pleaded with the Lord to send that little spirit to someone else. I just couldn’t do it again. I was too tired, my husband didn’t want any more children, how could I have another when I have a hard enough time giving enough attention to the four I have right now?
The Lord knew this would happen. Funny how He knows these things. He planted the seed in my heart almost 5 years ago.
When I was pregnant with Liberty I felt so strongly that I had 2 boys left for our family. I don’t recall exactly when that feeling came, but I know it was the summer before she was born. I must have been 7 or 8 months pregnant with her.
Since I was SURE she was a boy, I was fine with that revelation.
Two weeks before she was born I was laying down for a Sunday afternoon nap. I felt at that time that if this baby was a girl her name was to be Liberty Jane. I shrugged it off because, HELLO, this child is a BOY!
Fast forward two weeks, she was born and there it was staring me in the face – the realization I was going to have two more babies. I was so overcome with joy that this sweet Liberty girl was here, but I was also sad that I would have to do this two more times. I was getting tired.
My entire life I have wanted twins. When I was young I prayed every night that I would be able to have twins when I grew up. So, I wasn’t too concerned about these two additional babies. I figured they would come together.
The space between Libby and Elliott is the biggest of all my children. I figured this was perfect for my twin boys.
When I went for my ultrasound with Elliott, my heart sunk when I saw just one baby on that screen. Five months later he was born, healthy, happy and I felt complete. I felt that my family was good. I didn’t want another baby.
Last June there was a shifting in my heart and soul. I knew I could no longer deny the fact that there was one more baby for our family. Jeremy and I discussed this at length and eventually he admitted to feeling the same thing I was.
It was time to start trying again.
I didn’t want to. I fought it. I cried about it. I had to explain to close friends when they said, “You don’t have to do this, you know” that I really did.
Eventually, I surrendered. I surrendered to the will of the Lord, putting my trust in Him. As hard as that is, sometimes it is completely necessary.
Because of all of this though, I know 100% that this child is not only meant for our family, but wants to come to this crazy house. This is where he is meant to be, my third son, my baby. He will bring joy, laughter and light to our lives, I just know it.
So when people say to me, “Another one? Really??” I can now respond with a smile and say, “Yes, and we are so happy.”