I have often wondered if I will really feel done, when I am done having children. Will my family feel complete without everyone here? Will I ever have that sense of peace that I hear other Mother’s talk about? Is it even possible?
Lately I have been feeling it. My hips hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurts. I am tired, cranky and hot. I revel in this, my last pregnancy though. I love feeling him move, I love wondering what position he is in and I know I will miss having him all to myself when he is born.
When I was pregnant with Elliott, I thought that was my last pregnancy. I was so sad that I would never get to do it again. As miserable as I could be, I just couldn’t imagine this chapter of my life closing. I mourned the loss of future pregnancies and births. This time, I do not feel that way. I am so glad I am never doing this again. I have been pregnant, nursing or both for the last 11 years. ELEVEN years people.
I finally have that sense of peace that this is my last pregnancy. This is my last baby. This is it, and I am so very glad. I am glad to close the chapter on the childbearing part of my life. I am ready to move on to the next chapter and see what it holds. I am excited to be able to go on dates with my husband, go away for a weekend, go to the gym and work hard. I am excited to see what my body looks like when I am not nursing or pregnant. I can’t wait to start training for a 5K, then a triathlon. I am ready to be out of the baby stage and move on.
While I sit here and type these words, I feel him moving, stretching, trying to find more room in his “room” that is growing smaller by the day. He is getting bigger and we are 8ish weeks away from meeting each other.
I am trying to love these last weeks and relish every kick, barrel roll and hiccup. Because even though I know I am done…I am sure I will miss this.