Just another December 15

Just another December 15 without you. Another year of wondering, wishing, aching, and longing.

Another year of wondering what you would be like,

who you would be.

This year is different though.


No longer a child, but not yet a teen. On the cusp of everything.

I can’t even imagine you at this age. Those days have long passed.

Instead, I live through those whose babies lived.

I see their young women and my heart and mind can’t grasp what I am seeing.

They are so big, so lovely. They have lives and wishes. They plan for the future and think about the past. They have experiences, laughter, joy, and pain. All things you don’t know anymore.

So I watch from afar and cry.

Just another December 15 without you. Another year of no celebration, no one to blow out the candles, no one to laugh with, worry about, and watch grow up.

December 15 and I miss you.


The Last First Birthday

Photo Credit: Leilani Rogers

Photo Credit: Leilani Rogers

Zachary Isaac
“The Lord has Remembered” “laughter”

Yesterday was the last first birthday I will ever celebrate for one of my children. My sweet Zachary turned 1, and we celebrated in style. With friends over for dinner and cake (of course cake!), we had a great evening and Zachary felt the love.

This boy is truly the sweetest child ever. Such a happy and content kiddo, he makes us all smile and laugh. He laughs, talks, makes the funniest faces, and loves his siblings more than almost anything.

In the last week he has taken his first steps, but still prefers to cruise and bear crawl. He doesn’t have any teeth, but has 6 coming in right now. Even through all that teething, he is just so joyful.


My roly poly baby, he is starting to slim out, but is still tipping the scales at 25 lbs. I love his squishiness and, much to his delight, munch on his arms, legs, and toes regularly.

Zachary talks all the time and the only thing that he says with any frequency and in context is “AT!” when looking at the cat. He also will copy when I say Seth “eth”. He lights up when Amelia comes to him. Her nickname has become The Zach Charm. When he is sad and I am not available, she is the only one that can calm him down quickly.

Of all my babies, he looks the most like Emma. People who knew her, and those who didn’t, tell me this often. It’s true, he looks so much like her, and his personality is very similar to hers. I am grateful I didn’t have a baby that looked so much like her until now.  His hair is the same color as Amelia’s and he favors her in looks a lot too.

I am so grateful for this boy in my life. He emanates pure joy. You can’t be around him and not smile, he is just that sweet. Such a calm, happy kiddo, I am truly blessed.


My Sweet Zachary,

Happy 1st birthday sweet boy. I can’t wait to see the life you live, and the amazing boy and man you become. Your name has so much meaning. The Lord remembered you needed to be in our family and that we needed you here. The Lord remembered His promises and you arrived safely and have had a beautiful first year. You have brought so much laughter into our home and will continue to do so. You are a joy and I am just so happy to be your Mama. Thank you for choosing us, thank you for being here, thank you for an amazing first year.


Great to be EIGHT!

Eight years ago right now, I was waking up with a sweet bundle of baby girl next to me. Her soft cries were met by her older brother discovering his new best friend. Since the day she was born, those two have been the dynamic duo and I love it.


My sweet Amelia,

You are such a tender hearted girl. You want everyone to feel included and important. My introverted girl, you also crave quiet and calm after being crazy for a while. You love making up games to play with your siblings, riding your bike, playing with your friends, and most of all, swimming. You are such a fish and love swim team. You tell me that you want to be a swim teacher when you grow up, if you’re not a professional swimmer.


If I can’t find you, I know I can look in your room and you will either be drawing, writing a story, or reading a book. You got the bookworm award in your class this year, and this was no surprise to me. Always looking for a new book, you love to read so much. You are also quite the budding writer. I know that some day your writing skills will far surpass my own. You have such talent, such imagination, and I love seeing these two attributes come together to create such amazing work.


I am often impressed with how much you want to do good. You want to help others, you want to serve those around you, you want to make the world better. I learn so much from you; compassion, love, and patience are just a few of the things you have taught me in your short 8 years. You have such a calming influence on those around you, and I really appreciate that.


You also have quite the goofy streak to you. I love watching you be silly with your friends and siblings. It takes you a while to open up to others, but once you do, you are full on silly, and I love it.

I love you so much sweet girl. I am so blessed to be your Mama, to watch you grow, learn, and explore this world. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mama.


Happy birthday Suzy-Q,



Happy 11th Birthday!

Eleven years ago I became a Mom.

It is a day I will never forget and is filled with bittersweet feelings. I am so glad I was blessed to be Emma’s Mom.

I miss her today just as much as other days. I can’t wait for the day when she can be with her siblings and I can watch them all together.

Happy birthday baby girl. I love you baby.

Sweet, Sassy, Seven

Yesterday my sweet Amelia Mae turned 7. She went to bed on Saturday night saying, “I can’t believe when I wake up tomorrow I will be 7!!”. She was so excited for her big day, and it did not disappoint. She had a birthday party on Saturday with her friends, ate BBQ to her heart’s content last night and got to choose our movie for movie night – The Lorax. It was a perfect day for my perfectly sweet girl.

Dearest Amelia,

Oh how I love you. You are such a light in my life. You are my peacemaker, wanting to make everyone feel loved and included. When there is an argument between your siblings you try to make it better. However when you are included in the argument, you hold your ground – sometimes with screaming in the face of the perpetrator. You are strong, smart and oh so sassy. You just finished your first year of swim team and LOVED it!!! I think you surprised yourself with how good you are getting at swimming and what a natural you are. I know as you keep working you will get faster and better. You are determined to make things good and right for all around you.

You are quiet in new situations, aren’t a big talker in big crowds and really love your alone time. You are my introvert. You would rather spend the day coloring, drawing, and writing stories than in a crowd of people. Your favorite playmates are your siblings and you are (usually) so good to them. Elliott sure loves you because you are his little Mama.

You are my sweet girl, or as Meemaw says, “sugar with legs”. You make everyone around you happy and I am so very blessed to be your Mama.

Happy birthday sweetie!!


Now for the birthday interview…

What is your favorite color? Light Blue

What is your favorite food? Mom…you know it! It’s Bar-B-Que!

What was your favorite birthday gift? I loved them all.

What do you think you will like most about being 7? That I get more priveledges.

What is your favorite sport? SWIMMING!

What is your favorite stroke to do in swimming? Freestyle

Why? Because I’m really good at it.

Why are you so sweet? *shrugs shoulders* I don’t know.

What is something new you want to learn this year? I really want to learn how to do cartwheels.

What do you want to be when you grow up? This is hard…I want to be a ROCK STAR!

What is your favorite subject in school? Reading.

If you had $100 to spend on ANYTHING, what would you buy? I would buy books, books, books…and more books!

What is your favorite hobby? ART!

I love my Missy Mae Mae, Suzy Q, Suzy, Miss Suzy, Lucy Loo, Sassy, Sassafrass, Mia, Amelia Bedelia, Mia Bedia, Amy…girl of a hundred nick names. She is the sweetest thing and I pray someday she gets a girl just like her :)

Love you my sweet girl!!


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