He is 2

April 28, 2013 By 2 Comments

 

My dear sweet Elliott,

Today you are two. You are my sweet sweet boy. You are so happy, so loving, so kind…except when you’re being 2, and then you are a spitfire. You love your sisters and brother, love your Mama and Daddy and love your friends.

You love to sing. Your favorites are Hourglass, Golden Slumbers, Firework, and anything from Tangled. You definitely play with Libby the most, because you know the names of all the ponies from My Little Pony, you love all Princesses and you like to wear headbands.

Today you woke up so happy. Seth came into my room and you lifted your arms and left with him. What you played I’m not sure, I was sleeping blissfully. It wasn’t until Seth brought you back to my room only to leave and shut the door did I realize why. That is when you informed me that you pooped. After a diaper change, I gave you your favorite breakfast treat – Pop Tarts. Yep, I’m an awesome Mom. Don’t ever forget that you got Pop Tarts for your 2nd birthday!

After opening presents, bath time with Libby and some snuggles with Mama, you were ready for a nap. I love that you still love napping. You love your 2 1/2 hours of sleep, and so do I.

We had such a great day, you had fun at Church, ate yummy pizza and thoroughly enjoyed your cupcakes. All in all, it was a fantastic day to celebrate my sweet baby boy.

I am so incredibly grateful that you are mine. The Lord knew we needed such a sweet child in our home when He sent you to us. You bring such laughter, peace and love to all around you. You love with all your heart, give hugs and kisses and “I love you’s” unprompted. You get so excited when it’s time to get the big kids from school and get sad on days when they are gone.

You are increasingly independent and when you do something you proudly proclaim, “I did it!”. Your love knows no boundaries and you are often heard saying, “I love it!”. While you absolutely have the 2 year old temper, you quickly forget who did you wrong and will tackle them with hugs.

You are my snuggle bug and love to “nuggle Mama”. Most the time I love it too. Except at 5 am…then it’s not my favorite ;) . I can’t wait to see you be a big brother and how wonderful you will be. I just know you will love to take care of your new little brother.

I love you my sweet boy. You are such an important part of our family and my heart.

Love you,

Mama

Filed Under: Birthday, birthdays, the baby boy

Almost there

December 13, 2012 By 9 Comments

She will be 10 in two days. 10. A decade. So much I’ve missed. So much I miss.

Birthdays never get easier, nor do the days leading up to it.

In the midst of Christmas shopping, holiday baking and party planning, my heart is constantly breaking for this sweet girl.

I would give anything to know what my 10 year old Emma would look like today. To know what my 4th grader would be into, what she would love. But since I can’t know, I will just remember that beautiful December night she was born and the most perfect 8 months that followed.

Filed Under: angel baby, birthdays, grief

Elliott Joseph is One.

April 27, 2012 By 4 Comments

Dear Elliott,

I type this late at night on your birthday eve. Your first birthday. You are my baby, my last baby, one of my bookend babies.

You came without warning. I had many ideas of what I wanted to do when I was in early labor with you, but you had other plans. When my water broke with you, I went almost immediately into active labor. Fast and furious – that was how I described your birth.

However, your personality is almost the opposite of that. You are such a chill kid. Pretty laid back and OH so happy. Even though you had a rough start until I figured out you couldn’t tolerate dairy, you never stopped smiling.

Much like your oldest sister (whose initials you share) you never cry without a reason…and it is always a reason I can fix. Poopy, teething, hungry, tired…you’re easy. You showed an early preference to music, especially Mindy Gledhill’s Hourglass. If you are upset all I have to do is play or sing it for you and immediately you calm down.

You adore your brother and sisters. They come into the room and you light up. You love when Seth or Amelia take you outside and push you in the swing. You squeal with delight when you see Libby in the morning. And when I put you in the stroller to go to the school to get the kids, you clap your hands with excitement.

Shortly after you were born, Daddy gave you a blessing at church. You were told you would be a peacemaker in our home. I see that daily.

You bring love and joy where ever you go. You don’t like when the kids yell angrily and let them know it with your cries. You are sensitive for sure.

You are also so mischievous.  Getting into the cat’s water, while he’s eating, all the while watching me to see what I am going to do – grinning all the time. That’s my boy. You are taking steps, just had your first haircut, and climb the stairs like nobody’s business. The days we are spending at the swimming pool are quickly becoming your favorite, a water baby like Mama.

If I can keep you eating blueberries, strawberries and Mum-Mum’s you are a happy boy. You don’t love anything as much as milkers though. You laugh and get so excited when we sit down to nurse. It is your time to have Mama all to yourself and you relish in that time.

You are my sweet boy and not a day goes by I don’t thank the Lord for sending me you. I am so grateful to be your Mama and love you oh so much.

Happy birthday baby boy. I pray we can have many, many, many more. You are so very loved, always remember that.

Love,

Mama

Finally, a year later is the slideshow of Elliott’s birth.

Filed Under: Birthday, birthdays, bitty baby, the baby boy

My baby is almost One.

April 26, 2012 By 8 Comments

One year ago today I looked like this

 

No wonder people asked if I was having twins. That is one big belly :)

Two days later, I looked like this

 

My sweet baby boy is going to be 1 in two days. ONE people. My baby. My last baby.

This is hard for this Mama. I love when my babies gain independence and we can play together, but I also love being pregnant, giving birth and having new babies. *sigh* I love it all.

I am going to celebrate this boy on Saturday. Birthdays are a huge deal to me. I love birthdays. I love having a day set to celebrate one person. To make it their special day from the moment they wake until they moment they fall into bed exhausted from the fun. We let the kids choose where they want to go to breakfast with Dad, and let them choose every other meal of the day. For my kiddos with summer birthdays, we go swimming or to the splash pad if they want. It truly is their day and they know it :)

First birthdays are a REALLY big deal to me. I am sure it has to do with Emma – not being able to ever do her birthday except at the cemetery. I love to celebrate my babies and this huge milestone they have reached.

This little guy is no different.

Photo Credit: Leilani Rogers

I am so excited for Saturday, my Elliott’s first birthday. The celebration started a month ago when I designed his birthday invitations and started sending them out to his friends (and my friends, and aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents).

It looks so much better in person. This is the result of my crappy scanner!

Oh yes, my baby is one. Look at  how much he has grown and changed in the last year. I always know it goes by fast and I try so hard to slow it down. But I can’t. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Him growing up is bittersweet. I want him to grow and experience and gain independence. But I also want him to always be my baby. I want him to always love me and always find comfort with me.

While I know that it won’t last forever, I will take it while I can. On Saturday we will have friends over, eat good food, watch Elliott demolish a cupcake, laugh, smile and celebrate this sweet boy who makes our family complete.

Photo Credit: Leilani Rogers

What do you do for birthdays in your house?

This is a sponsored post from Hallmark as part of the Life is a Special Occasion campaign. I am so thrilled to be working with this fabulous company this year and to have the opportunity to share ways to make everyday occasions  special.
For the latest on Hallmark deals and ideas, be sure to sign up for their newsletter, you just might see me there from time to time. Hallmark provided me with birthday invitations and adorable plates with Elliott’s picture! You can get great items for your children’s birthdays, holidays or other special occasions on their website.

Filed Under: baby #5, Birthday, birthdays, hallmark, kidlets, Life is a Special Occasion, my life, sponsored post, the baby boy Tagged With: , ,

She is 9.

December 15, 2011 By 27 Comments

Finishing up my trip at Target I heard a Mother say, “Greta, Emma, come over here”.  As I always do, I turned to see how old this Emma was.  My eyes met those of a little girl, brown hair, blue eyes.  I asked how old she was. Her Mom responded she just turned 9.  My heart sunk a little.  I put on the smile I always do.  The one that is intended to be sure no one feels bad by what I am about to say.  I have an Emma also.  She would be 9 tomorrow but passed away as a baby.  Her Mother tears up.  I look into these beautiful blue eyes and tell her she is very special.  She has a very special name.  Thank you, her Mother mouths to me.

I walk away and cry.

I miss her so much it hurts. I miss her so much I want to punch things and cry, and eat away my pain.  I want to write over and over how desperately I wish she were here, as if my words could bring her back.  As if my tears and words could erase the last 8 years I have lived without her.  I don’t want her here as a baby. I want her here as an almost 9 year old.

I want to know what a sassy 3 year old Emma would have been like.  I want to know what she would have worn her first day of Kindergarten.  I want to know if she would be as boy crazy as her little sister.  I want to know what music she would like, what movies, what sports, what toys.

I wandered the aisles of Walmart recently searching for something a 9 year old girl would like.  Up to this point I have felt pretty confident in buying her gifts.  First baby toys, then toddler, then preschool.  Next we entered the school age phase; dolls, barbies, books, board games.  Now though she is entering the tweens.  What to buy for this little girl who is not a little girl and not a teenager yet?  I called my dear friend Nicole to ask what her daughter (who is 3 weeks older than Emma and is Seth’s best friend) would like.  She didn’t answer so I was left to my own devices.

As I searched the aisles, I came upon the craft section.  Make your own jewelry kit, make your own cards and stamp kit.  Yes. Yes, that is what she would like.

I wish I knew. I wish she were here. I wish I could have the struggle of separating Christmas and her birthday.  I wish I had the challenge of making sure her day was so special and not just another day in the hubub before Christmas.  I wish, i wish, i wish.

My darling Emma….

Happy birthday baby girl.  9 years ago today you made your entrance into the world.  You were so determined to come feet first and have given me my Emma tattoo – my c-section scar.  You taught me so much about being a Mother, balancing Motherhood and being a wife, about myself.  You helped me to realize I am stronger than I ever thought possible.  I credit you for me finding my voice in writing.  It is through your life and death that I have learned to love your siblings so fiercely and intensely.

I miss you so much.  I wish you could blow out the candles today.  I wish I could know your mischievous side, your sweet side, your not so nice side…I wish I could know you.

You are my first, you are always in my heart, you are my special Angel and I love you more than anyone could ever understand.

I love you a million times over. You are my special Angel.

Love,
Mama

Posts from Birthdays Past

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2008
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2010

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Filed Under: angel baby, birthdays, dreams, grief, life after loss, living without Emma, losingababysucks, my life, Uncategorized
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