my life

Hunger

April 25, 2012 By kborchert 7 Comments

As Seth reached for his 6th pancake I told him to stop. Listen to your body, are you really hungry? Or does it just taste good? He obeyed, waited and said, number 2. I’m not hungry. This opened a conversation about hunger and food.

We talked to him about what happens when he eats too much. If he overeats then his body won’t be able to tell when he is really hungry. If he fills his tummy to full with pancakes he will have a stomach ache. If he continues to eat just because something tastes good he could become fat.

He thought about that last one for a minute, then went to Jeremy and whispered in his ear, Is that what happened to Mom?

I laughed. He thought he was being so discreet by whispering to his Dad, but his whisper is still pretty loud.

He was embarrassed that I heard him.

He recovered quickly and told me I just need to exercise more. I promised him that I was – even though he doesn’t always see it, I exercise a lot.

It’s okay though. I know I am not as thin as his friends Moms, or his teacher. I know I am not in the best shape.

But I am getting better every day. I am making better food choices, I am exercising more, I am trying to think better about my body.

His words don’t hurt me because I know they are just that, words.

I know what my actions are and how loud actions can be.

I’ve been listening to my own advice I gave my sweet boy. Listen to your body, are you really hungry? Or does it just taste good? And I am feeling so much better.

Linking up with Just Write

Filed Under: exercise, food, my life, the boy Tagged With: just write

I’ve got an itch I just can’t scratch

April 12, 2012 By kborchert 24 Comments

I am not a writer.

I don’t weave my words with eloquence, I don’t use 10 dollar words.

I can’t say something without really saying it.

I am just not a writer.

I have wanted to be one. I have pretended it was my passion. I have come to this space over and over and over again trying to find my voice…through writing.

I have forgotten that I have a voice that I used to use all the time.

When I was in college I spent hours upon hours playing my guitar. I would sing the words others put to music, entertain my friends and even write my own songs.

It was my outlet. It was my passion.

Fast forward many years, a marriage and 5 children later and I barely remember who that girl was.

Who was that girl that could pick up her guitar at any moment and crank out a song? Where did that girl go who would write her feelings into beautiful poetry set to the music in her head? Who was that girl with such dreams that she thought she could go to Nashville and be the next Faith Hill?

She is still here – buried deep inside this woman who has responsibilities, children that need and love her, and a home to keep.

The songs she sings are no longer about unrequited love, the desire for freedom, or wondering where her life is going to take her.

Now she sings silly songs to get her children to clean, lullabyes to soothe them to sleep and loving ballads to ease their tears.

She is here – itching to get out.

And I think it’s time I let her.

Because maybe I am not a writer like so many of my friends. Maybe I can’t make you laugh or cry or think deep thoughts about your life through my writing.

But I guess I am a writer in my own way and it is time I honored that part of myself.

Filed Under: my life

The last time I worked this hard, I had a baby to show for it.

April 2, 2012 By kborchert 15 Comments

Otherwise known as, my race report.

15 weeks of training came down to one day. I can’t tell you how many times I compared my race to having a baby. Maybe it’s because that is what I know and is the most physically tasking thing I had ever done, but the similarities were just astounding. So here are my 5 ways running a half marathon is like having a baby.

1. You never know what the night before will bring

The night before the race, Jeremy and I took the kids to a hotel in Bastrop. We went to dinner (Taco Cabana Stephanie!) then back to the pool for swimming. We wore the kids out and by 8:30 all 4 were asleep. I crawled into bed, set my phone alarm and was out by 9:30.

I was prepared to get up at 5:15 so I could get over to the high school by the resort to catch a shuttle up to the race. What I didn’t count on was the fact that my baby would have to poop in the middle of the night.

This boy who hasn’t pooped in the middle of the night since he was 2 months old decided to be up for an hour and a half the night before my race. So, I started my race tired. First way it’s like labor – I was pooped, but knew there was no turning back, so I was determined to just get it done.

2. Oh, you have a ~~birth~~ race plan…

As we started the race I told my friend Erika, that I wanted to start slow and then speed up at the end. She said that sounded like a good plan. I saw the pacer for 2:30 and I wanted to keep them in my sights the entire time.

When I decided this was what I wanted to do, I didn’t know I was going to be exhausted. I also didn’t know it was going to be so humid and hot. The weather was a big factor for a lot of people, and the only type of weather I hadn’t trained in. So, while I was able to see the pacer for the first 4 1/2 miles, I eventually fell behind and lost her. At that point I had to come up with plan b…and that was to finish the race.

Just as with having a baby, you can make all the plans in the world, but things rarely work out the way you expect, you’ve got to be flexible.

3. You will have to poop at the most inopportune time.

When I got to the resort before the race I decided I was going to force myself to poop. Have you ever done this? No? Yeah, because it doesn’t work. I sat on the toilet for a loooong time and nothing happened. So, I decided I just was going to be lucky and not have to. I peed a few times before the actual race, but no poop.

This was a very hilly course and by mile 7, we were done with the big hills and I was feeling good. I was clipping along even thinking maybe I could catch up with my pacer again. One more hill (that I walked up) and then downhill the rest of the way. We came around at mile 10 and there was a huge line of port-a-potties. Erika asked if I needed to go and I said that I was good. Not a half a mile later though we entered the golf course (the longest 3 miles ever) and I felt it. I had poopy cramps. Gas like crazy and I was hurting. I saw a water stop and asked if there were any port-a-potties on this course, they pointed me to a toilet and lo and behold, I still couldn’t poop. Two huge farts later though, and I was back at it.

At this point though, I was tired, a bit discouraged and just ready to be done.

4. That wall you just hit? It’s called transition.

You know that part of labor when you just want to be done? It hurts, you can’t do it anymore, you don’t want to do it anymore, you want someone else to do it for you? Yeah, that’s transition. That is also what I call the last 2 1/2 miles of my race.

It hurt. My left hip started aching, I felt like I was going to throw up, I was tired, I was D-O-N-E. I started thinking there is no reason why I am still doing this. My unfruitful stop at the toilet put me so far behind the other people I had been with the entire time and I knew I didn’t have the energy to catch up with them.

This was when I started praying, asking God to help me finish this. I looked at my arm over and over, thinking of Carrie Ann and Loralee, I begged God to send Emma to give her Mama a push.

Erika saw my discouragement and kept me going. She gave me little goals – let’s get to that tree then we can walk for a minute, get to that fence and we are going to go. Then she started telling everyone she saw that this was my first half. The cheers started and I knew I could do this.

Just like labor – putting one foot in front of another, getting it done. I was almost there. I was almost ready to push.

5. Support is essential

There is no way I could have done this without Erika by my side. She was such a huge supporter, never letting me give up. She was great at letting me walk when I needed to and like a good midwife or doula, she encouraged me to listen to my body at all times. She always made sure I had plenty of water in me and that I was doing my Gu’s or Sport Beans.

In addition to Erika, I knew my family was going to be at the finish line. When it came time to push (the last 1/2 mile), I knew Jeremy and the kids were going to be there waiting for me. Just like we will push and do whatever we need to when it is time to get our babies here, that was how I was feeling. I kicked it into high gear and took my long strides. I had people cheering, ringing their cow bells at me, telling me “only 80 steps left!!”. When it came time to cross that line, Erika said, “I’m going to slow down, you go, you take this. This is all yours”.

I was done. I was exhausted. I hobbled off the course, stretched a little, then found a place to sit down and nurse my baby. I sat there exhilarated by what I had just accomplished.

So, while it was hard, and there were times I wanted to quit, just like having a baby – it was worth it and I will do it again.

Just not tomorrow.

Filed Under: exercise, half marathon training, my life, zooma Tagged With: half marathon training, Running is like having a baby, zooma half marathon

I’ve Only Just Begun

March 27, 2012 By kborchert 18 Comments

15 weeks.

It really doesn’t seem like I’ve been training for 15 weeks. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been hitting the pavement 3-4 times a week for 15 weeks.

I’ve noticed changes in my body and mind. Small subtle changes, but they are there. When I think back to my first run in December. I walk/jogged 3 miles. I was able to jog half and had to walk the rest. I was so discouraged and had no idea how I would be able to run 13.1 miles.

As my run distance increased, so did my confidence.

My discouragement at my body not changing was palpable, and that is when the scale was thrown away.

I have lost a pant size (or 2), inches off my body. I have learned I like how I feel when I exercise.

Second time running 9 miles in the rain.

There are days when it is everything I can do to get myself out the door for a run, sometimes the hardest part of the run is getting on my shoes.

But I have done it. I have run over 150 miles. I have run 9 miles in the rain (TWICE!) and loved it. I have had great chats with good friends over long runs. I have learned to love myself enough to give myself the gift of exercise. I have learned I am a much better Mom and wife when I take the time to do something for myself.

When I first started this journey I said I would run the half marathon and be done. I was adamant that I was not a runner.

But now? I think I am.

This Saturday I am going to run the Zooma Half Marathon. I am going to run this for myself, for my children, for my husband – the people who sacrificed so much to support me in my training. I am going to run for my dear friend Carrie Ann, who is fighting and WINNING her battle with breast cancer, I am going to run for Loralee who right now would give about anything to have a healthy and strong body. I will write their names on my arms and when it gets hard, when I want to stop, I will remember these people. I will remember those who believe in me and who love me. I am running for each of you who have cheered me on during this journey.

And lastly, I am going to run for me. I am proving to myself that I can do this. I am doing this.

Filed Under: exercise, half marathon training, my life, zooma Tagged With: beginning running, exercise, running, zooma half marathon

He Believes in Me

March 22, 2012 By kborchert 10 Comments

Jeremy and I have been married for 10 years. In that 10 years he has noticed a very large weakness of mine. It is not hard to notice. Anyone who knows me well knows my Achilles heel. In fact, a few years back, he and the children staged an intervention. (and if I could find the video, I would show it to you, but I can’t so you just have to imagine )

What is this addiction I have?

Sugar.

Yep, I love the sweet stuff. I love it in any form I can find it. I have written about my issues with food so.many.times here, so I am not going to rehash it. If you’re new here, it is simply this. I feel good – I eat sweets. I feel bad – I eat sweets. There is always a time and an occasion to eat and I will find it.

I am addicted.

Jeremy has tried so many times to help me break this addiction, to finally give it up for good. He has tried to appeal to my vanity – you’ll look better if you give up sugar, to my crunchy heart – sugar is poison for your body, that is why it is so addictive!, & to my maternal instinct – how will it effect our children?

These have all worked for short bits of time, nothing longer than 6 weeks though. Always after 6 weeks I will have a little of something, then because it tastes good (even though I am satisfied and know it will make me sick) I eat more and more and more until a HUGE slice of cake no longer makes me sick because it is what my body is craving.

I have often said in parenting you have to find your kids’ currency and use it to your advantage. Reward them with what they love the most.

Jeremy took that advice and applied it to me. He has found my currency – pampering and alone time.

The two of us are in a competition right now. We are no junk food, and the first person to cave loses. What does the winner get you ask? When I win (like that? WHEN??) I will get a night away. He will pony up for a massage, dinner out and a hotel room for me to sleep ALL ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness, I can not wait for this. He will have a rough night with a baby who thinks I am the All Night Mommy Diner, but it will be so wonderful for me.

And, if I cave? (which I won’t). I have to deep clean and organize two rooms of his choice. Yeah, I hate cleaning, I am SO not losing.

We both have pretty strong willpower, so how long is this going to last? Well, Elliott is going to be 1 in 6 weeks. (I KNOW!) I will be having a slice of cake on my baby boy’s birthday. So, we are going for 6 weeks. If we make it for 6 weeks and neither of us caves, he is still giving me my night away. (he rocks, I know)

Now I know, I’ve said I never have made it longer than 6 weeks before, so what is different this time? If I can limit myself to 1 piece of cake on his birthday and have nothing else except on birthday’s from here on out, I will reward myself with a pedicure or massage every month.

I need to do this. Jeremy believes in me. He knows I can do this. He knows I can beat this addiction. He is giving me the incentive and kick in the butt I need. I am going to take that ball and run with it.