Just another December 15 without you. Another year of wondering, wishing, aching, and longing.
Another year of wondering what you would be like,
who you would be.
This year is different though.
No longer a child, but not yet a teen. On the cusp of everything.
I can’t even imagine you at this age. Those days have long passed.
Instead, I live through those whose babies lived.
I see their young women and my heart and mind can’t grasp what I am seeing.
They are so big, so lovely. They have lives and wishes. They plan for the future and think about the past. They have experiences, laughter, joy, and pain. All things you don’t know anymore.
So I watch from afar and cry.
Just another December 15 without you. Another year of no celebration, no one to blow out the candles, no one to laugh with, worry about, and watch grow up.
December 15 and I miss you.
I can breathe again. Baseball is done. Soccer is done. All we have now is homework, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, Choir, Running Club, and oh…school. But, with three less things on the calendar, I feel like a huge load has been taken off my plate. The days are shorter, but we spend more of it […]
I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately. How they change, why they change, why we grow apart, and were we ever as close as it seemed? I had a friend for many years. I called her my best friend, I told her everything, cried on her shoulder, laughed with her, talked to her, […]
At 5:10, I am awoken by the sound of my alarm. I quickly grab my phone and turn it off, so as not to wake the other people sleeping in my bed. Every morning I have to make a decision. I am so very tired, my bed is so very warm. It would be so […]
When I was pregnant with Emma, we attended Bradley Childbirth Classes. I listened intently, practiced my breathing and positioning, ate everything I was supposed to, and exercised. I listened to everything except the one part I should have listened to; the C-Section class. I knew I wouldn’t cave and give into the pain. I knew […]
He climbs on everything. Up the stairs, right back down. Moving boxes become his slides, his tables, his boost to see the outside world. When I am sitting at my desk, he gets the fire safe, moves it to become his step stool. Then he can be closer to Mama, on my level, or at […]